For Colored Guys Who Have Considered Homicide Because the Media Has Done More Than Enuf

In Did You Notice?, Race Relations on December 3, 2010 at 2:25 pm

As a MAN who is BLACK and resides in AMERICA (in order of appearance), it is disconcerting to be consistently bombarded with so many negative images and stereotypes. It doesn’t matter the medium, radio, television and print have arbitrarily concluded that the world needs a villain and the antagonist shall forever remain the American Negro. After all, bad guys do wear black…skin. I am firmly convinced that we cannot get along at this rate so rather than collude to some presumptuous semblance of peace, It’s about time we all either establish balanced reporting or S.T.F.U (I would use the appropriate expletive here but some of you read this at work and server censorship is at an all time high).

Before this gets written off as some Pro-Panther, militant resurgence rant, give me a cotton pickin’ second here! I am in no way concerned with inciting nor revisiting any racial grievances for those will forever persist and to be quite frank, I like whitey. I like yellowy, darky and damn near everybody. What I despise however is everybody all at once, and with the same resounding message. THE BLACK MAN IS THE SCOURGE OF SOCIETY! I AM THE BLACK PLAGUE! I AM THE FIFTH HORSEMAN OF APOCALYPSE. I get it already. I’m really Shrek but you mean to tell me no one can find any positive AND entertaining stories of black males to grace the cover of the Daily Bugle!?

I open my morning e-paper to find that black boys are disproportionately stupid in comparison to stupid white boys who are all stupider than a growing number of third world students. I turn on the television to hear yet another “Oprah says” saga of all the black men fornicating with other men behind their wives backs. OK then. I guess I’ll just hop on the social networks and read all the tweets and fb updates of the lazy, shiftless, no good, wanna be rapper, baby daddies who never want to get married and cheat and lie and… Allllllrighty then. I guess I’ll just go to the movies to forget about all this man bashing. Damn! Just missed Megamind. Guess I’ll see For Colored Girls instead….

You know what? Fuck your server! Fuck your couch too!Everyone else gets to parade around town with commentary on how screwed up black men are and because men don’t speak, I’m supposed to remain reticent? What the fuck son!

I grew up in a working class neighborhood where everyone was represented. The future drug dealers, drug users, business owners, doctors, rapists and lawyers of America all lived within the same 2X2 block radius (and were often indistinguishable from one another.) I am not debating that all these harrowing tales of doom and despair purported by the media aren’t rooted in truth. I am also however not oblivious to the fact that there are other stories to be told. The long winded point is why is it always the same stories regurgitated in mass media? Am I supposed to embrace the ogre role as the media usurps my civility in an effort to shatter box office records? As stated previous, please see “you, fuck!” And I don’t mean that in no nice, Cee Lo Green, Gwenyth Paltrow Glee rendition, sorta way. And the “you” I’m talking about here is the Media. And the Media here is ALL OF US!
Residing in a blame centric society where causation for all strife must be identified (or manufactured) then branded so that an equally marketable solution can ultimately be sold for profit, it seems the #1 leading symptom for a bad day (and evidently the best selling) is a black man. The big scarwee negwo (insert Scooby-Doo spooky ghost howl here) is still the boogie man to one and all. I’m actually surprised the recent H1N1 outbreak wasn’t renamed the Chitlin’ Flu. Everyone loathing black men, including other black men and women is not quite how I envisioned equality.

Maybe I’m deluded. Either I’m living in a bubble or I really should be considering going towards the white light…..Nah.

Let’s all try something innovative going forward. For every shitty fact you forward about your least favorite Mandingo, find something positive to profess also… or punch yourself in the face. And if you can’t find anything good to say then you aren’t trying hard enough so assault your face as an affront against apathy.We could also remove our force fed intellects from the asses of the media outlets from which we gather our “intelligence.” That’s always an option. Most of us listen to the radio complaining “they only play the same 3 songs” while negligent that we only listen to the same 3 stations. It would help if we all remained cognizant of our dissidence along with whose messages we chose to rebroadcast on our personal networks. The worst part of most storms these days seems to be the forecast and not the storm itself.


My Vagina Monologue

In Self Help on November 2, 2010 at 2:15 pm

October is breast cancer awareness month, as was clearly made evident by the pinkification of all things around us. For the sake of awareness, the manliest of men graced the streets with pink paraphernalia in a show of solidarity to the millions of women who either suffer from this affliction or have lost their lives as a direct cause. Not one soul batted an eyelash at NFL line men delivering bone crushing, “I ain’t never scared” hits in a stylish pair of pink cleats with matching mittens And rightfully so. Social taboos should be cast aside in an effort to highlight matters relevant to the diaspora. So as much as it pains me to reference the vagina in any manner other than my typical pubescent school boy banter, I will go against my norm in an effort to highlight another affliction that disproportionately affects African American women; Uterine fibroids.

So a few years back, one of my close friends had been hospitalized due to uterine fibroids.The details of this experience involved rapid weight loss, surgeries, loss of blood, medication and multiple unpleasant events of the like. I, being the need to know it all that I am, naively asked: “What’s Uterine Fibroids?” I’m sure I passed out several times in my head as she described it to me but managed to maintain some form of acceptable male decorum. It wasn’t so much the “what” it was as it was the “where” it was that had me wanting to leave where I was at. All in all, It was comforting to know that she was on the road to recovery and felt much better. What I wasn’t aware of was that I would be hearing that exact same story from three to four other women in the next few years. What in the world was going on?

So what exactly are uterine fibroids and why is it so frequent in African American women? From what I gather, Uterine fibroids are typically benign tumors that grow on the uterus. It is treatable but in worst case scenarios can result in a hysterectomy and is most often the leading cause. Age plays a significant role in that fibroids are more likely to occur in women during their middle and later reproductive years. A ha! Since most or my peers were reaching their middle and later reproductive years, that explained the multiple occurrences but not so much the racial disparity. So what exactly was going on in black women that caused fibroids to be more prevalent? Somehow I think fried chicken is behind this.

The more I heard of fibroids, the more unconfirmed rumors surfaced. Hormones used in the growing of foods were said to be the cause. Chicken had a turn at primary suspect . Just being an African American woman was also sent up to bat as a root source. After some time, I couldn’t tell what was fact from farce. The only thing I knew for sure was that every time I said the word fibroid in a room, someone (or 3) had a story about themselves or a family member that had endured that ordeal. So how come it was so frequent but equally undisclosed?

Rather than speculate on a subject of which I have very little knowledge, It would be prudent to defer to those who actually do have an expertise through research and personal experience.

The Fibroids Project ( was created by Renee Brown in an effort to centralize the information, treatment and research associated with uterine fibroids as well as provide support for those who require it. Given the frequency of fibroids, that information, research and support pertains to about 80% of women. It would also behoove the 80% percent of men who are either with these women or related to be informed. In a few years when our collective prostates are under duress, we all know it will be women who will be there to support us as they always have so why not pay it forward now?

The Fibroids Project Podcast

Why I Can’t Get Married….Yet.

In Relate to Me on October 6, 2010 at 10:17 am

The following takes place on on Friday October 1, 2010. The response is a response to a response. The conclusion: We should all be more responsible. The subject relates to what men (one in specific) are so afraid of when it comes to marriage. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and those foolish enough to actually speak the truth in public. Lets Watch:

CA:You damn right I’m scared. I’m scared that I know exactly what love feels like but I don’t know what the hell marriage has to do with it. I’m scared that everyone around me keeps trying to convince me of a man made invention that they also have no idea of how it works. I feel like people keep trying to convince me to buy this product or my life will somehow be incomplete. I’m scared of getting into something I don’t understand AND THEN doing it with the wrong person. How confident would you be about flying a jumbo jet for the first time with a moron as your co-pilot?

But I’m mad courageous and extremely proud of it. I date, relate and have tried to entertain things that I couldn’t tolerate or even understand for the sake of making it work. I am also a realist. I realize that until I meet the person I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness for, I know I am not ready to get married. Whether that trigger is external or internal, it has not occurred. Doesn’t mean I sit back and ridicule out of fear either. This is the part of the conversation where I get to talk mad shit because I am so not the dude that ladies love to bad mouth. I am built for a relationship. I happily and willingly do all that bullshit ya’ll say you want and you know what else I realized, a lot of people just aren’t conditioned to even accept what they say they want.

Secretly, you want turmoil. You want “excitement”. The norm is too mundane. You want me to spice up your unfulfilled life until your arteries corrode and collapse because you somehow think being with the same person for the rest of your life is supposed to be Mardi Gras everyday.

If you were raised by humans, you were raised under dysfunction and probably wouldn’t know how to exist in a functional relationship if it got down on one knee with a 10K princess cut. All you have to go on is what you saw and what you experienced and how narrow of a scope is that? Until you do some relationship rehabilitation, Which consists primarily of self evaluation, you aren’t any good to anyone.

I may lose some friends on this one but let’s just all be honest and hope we are all listening.

If the Knicks put me on the squad right now, I couldn’t play. Despite my undying love for basketball, women and millions of dollars, I am not conditioned to accept the things I said I wanted. Let’s be really real here. A lot of people can’t put down the bloodclot pork chop sandwich long enough to realize how something like weight can shift the tide of a relationship. We all want to be in shape but that 5 dollar foot long just keep calling. Does this make you a bad person and unlovable? Absolutely not. But do you really expect someone to love you even though you don’t love yourself enough to show concern for your health, forget the aesthetic component? Is it foul? I don’t know. I can’t help what men like. You ovulate through tubes, I salivate over boobs. Thems the breaks.

It takes a lot to be in a relationship and I am scared to death of anyone who says they want to be in one because I know they are saying it for their own benefit and not for the other person, especially since you haven’t even met him/her yet. You just heard relationships were the place to be so that’s where you want to be. Plus your people’s got one… even though most speak nothing but negativity of the opposite sex. Some people are so scared of never falling in love that they never take time to develop the skills to BE loved, which involves loving the hell out of yourself first. And that takes a lot of time. What if your biological clock is not in sync with your maturity clock? Then what?

You cannot go into a selfless act like a relationship with selfish intent and expect it to work. The woman who I want to marry will probably want to be with me regardless of the institution and that is EXACTLY why I will marry her. Because she cares more about me than her status and perception. You said it perfectly earlier and it had nothing to do with this topic but it was in this thread and extremely relevant;

“There are only two pains in life Girl, the pain of discipline and the pain of regret!”

Are you disciplined enough to be someone’s spouse? Do most women even know what men want in a relationship? Did you even ask? Are you conditioned and willing to do those things or does he have to “love and accept you for who you are?” Ask yourself honestly, was the relationship ever about the man or did you just find someone who you don’t mind doing things for so he could make you happy in return?

As my dad used to say, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it!”

*Sidebar: OK so I said it….. And I meant it!!!” Sidebar complete.