afrykan

Why I Can’t Get Married….Yet.

In Relate to Me on October 6, 2010 at 10:17 am


The following takes place on http://www.facebook.com on Friday October 1, 2010. The response is a response to a response. The conclusion: We should all be more responsible. The subject relates to what men (one in specific) are so afraid of when it comes to marriage. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and those foolish enough to actually speak the truth in public. Lets Watch:

CA:You damn right I’m scared. I’m scared that I know exactly what love feels like but I don’t know what the hell marriage has to do with it. I’m scared that everyone around me keeps trying to convince me of a man made invention that they also have no idea of how it works. I feel like people keep trying to convince me to buy this product or my life will somehow be incomplete. I’m scared of getting into something I don’t understand AND THEN doing it with the wrong person. How confident would you be about flying a jumbo jet for the first time with a moron as your co-pilot?


But I’m mad courageous and extremely proud of it. I date, relate and have tried to entertain things that I couldn’t tolerate or even understand for the sake of making it work. I am also a realist. I realize that until I meet the person I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness for, I know I am not ready to get married. Whether that trigger is external or internal, it has not occurred. Doesn’t mean I sit back and ridicule out of fear either. This is the part of the conversation where I get to talk mad shit because I am so not the dude that ladies love to bad mouth. I am built for a relationship. I happily and willingly do all that bullshit ya’ll say you want and you know what else I realized, a lot of people just aren’t conditioned to even accept what they say they want.

Secretly, you want turmoil. You want “excitement”. The norm is too mundane. You want me to spice up your unfulfilled life until your arteries corrode and collapse because you somehow think being with the same person for the rest of your life is supposed to be Mardi Gras everyday.

If you were raised by humans, you were raised under dysfunction and probably wouldn’t know how to exist in a functional relationship if it got down on one knee with a 10K princess cut. All you have to go on is what you saw and what you experienced and how narrow of a scope is that? Until you do some relationship rehabilitation, Which consists primarily of self evaluation, you aren’t any good to anyone.

I may lose some friends on this one but let’s just all be honest and hope we are all listening.

If the Knicks put me on the squad right now, I couldn’t play. Despite my undying love for basketball, women and millions of dollars, I am not conditioned to accept the things I said I wanted. Let’s be really real here. A lot of people can’t put down the bloodclot pork chop sandwich long enough to realize how something like weight can shift the tide of a relationship. We all want to be in shape but that 5 dollar foot long just keep calling. Does this make you a bad person and unlovable? Absolutely not. But do you really expect someone to love you even though you don’t love yourself enough to show concern for your health, forget the aesthetic component? Is it foul? I don’t know. I can’t help what men like. You ovulate through tubes, I salivate over boobs. Thems the breaks.

It takes a lot to be in a relationship and I am scared to death of anyone who says they want to be in one because I know they are saying it for their own benefit and not for the other person, especially since you haven’t even met him/her yet. You just heard relationships were the place to be so that’s where you want to be. Plus your people’s got one… even though most speak nothing but negativity of the opposite sex. Some people are so scared of never falling in love that they never take time to develop the skills to BE loved, which involves loving the hell out of yourself first. And that takes a lot of time. What if your biological clock is not in sync with your maturity clock? Then what?


You cannot go into a selfless act like a relationship with selfish intent and expect it to work. The woman who I want to marry will probably want to be with me regardless of the institution and that is EXACTLY why I will marry her. Because she cares more about me than her status and perception. You said it perfectly earlier and it had nothing to do with this topic but it was in this thread and extremely relevant;

“There are only two pains in life Girl, the pain of discipline and the pain of regret!”

Are you disciplined enough to be someone’s spouse? Do most women even know what men want in a relationship? Did you even ask? Are you conditioned and willing to do those things or does he have to “love and accept you for who you are?” Ask yourself honestly, was the relationship ever about the man or did you just find someone who you don’t mind doing things for so he could make you happy in return?

As my dad used to say, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it!”

*Sidebar: OK so I said it….. And I meant it!!!” Sidebar complete.

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